It gets hard sometimes.

So many things happened just over a span of two months. Laughed, cried, frowned, feeling unwanted and everything, just because of that one person. I may be called a fool, maybe it wasn't worth the pain and tears, but I know it would be worse if I let go.



Let's go back to where we used to be.


Family problems overload, I couldn't afford to give a shit about my feelings for him now. For now, I just want to friends with him, just friends. All these years, I can say that he's one of the closest friends of mine. Even though we don't have much to remember, even though he does not really give a shit about my problem and I was always the one who tell him my problems willingly and he just acted like how he should, it seems like I just can't do without his existence in my life.


Fuck all this emotional wreck in me.


I feel so confused right now. After all those complicated confessions, I don't know what to do any more. It's like, 3 years of friendship puffed into smoke just like that. It's not the same any more. For one minute, we were like best friends forever and the next minute we turned to be only acquaintances. I tried to talk it out, but he acted dumb. I don't know what to do any more. I don't even know what to think right now.

"Every girl will have a guy that they will never forget of


Maybe that's true, and it unluckily turns out to be him. My supposed best friend. And now we're just left with ashes of memories, unbreakable walls between us.

expletive delete

I have to admit, I "liked" alven and Jennyang in the past was solely because: they were nice to me. Nothing else, just purely nice and caring to me. And can you believe it, that's their resemblance to Paul. Seriously, even though I thought I liked them, I did not really have super duper strong feelings for them. It's just like, nothing talk then sua, got things to talk then text me kinda attitude? So, considered that they two were just misconceptions?

Okay so if I label the two of them as misconceptions, this means I'm currently still stuck in the past, which is 2 years ago. Okay la actually I assumed that already. But I'm just making it miserable for myself, ain't I? Okay now to make things more complicated, Paul knows I like him now. -.- I don't care, he just have to forget that fact, if not whenever I talk to him I'll be reminded that I've held on for two fucking years, giving up all the chances that were put in front of me [darren, ruijie] and I would feel damn guilty for the two of them.It's not that I thought they were not up to standard or anything, there's just this barrier that I can't seem to cross.

There's no such thing as best guy-friend or best girl-friend. Coz one of you would fall for the other.

Yeah I totally agree. Opposite genders are not meant to be best friends. No matter how hard they try, one of them surely would not be able to resist. And that's me. Two years and I'm still not over it.

Great weather, great you, great friends, inferior me.

Never ever like or even fall in love with your close/best friend. It's a taboo.

Yesterday went for kbox with kunda, ngxinyi, jingxuan, amanlia, ray and paul. Chinese songs were all played first, I don't dare to sing LOL. Well, most of them are songs that I've not heard of! After that English songs came on. Okay so I was forced to sing "Back to December" by the great AmanliaToh, okay nevermind. But then duet with PaulAng? My first thought was "cb, gg.com" Seriously! It was so awkward! But in the end, I had a lot of fun!

After singing til 7pm, we went to BPP for dinner! Kunda left early at 5.30 though. :/, and amanlia had to go home for dinner. The rest of us then went to Naked Fish Express for dinner! As usual, I can't finish mine and as usual, Paul finished it for me HAHAHA.After that, Ray said he wanted BBQ Express. I was like wtf? After baked rice he could still eat more! After that Paul went to buy bubble tea at this very lousy store. Okay anyway, we went to Mac to sit for a while afterwards, then decided to head over to my house. My house a bit fail la, no chips no drinks no nothing, dust and rubbish a lot only LOL. Had lots of fun! First time staying up til 2+am talking with them! We gossiped alot alot, HAHAHA and Paul said he realised girls' gossiping session very powerful, can gossip until morning. He first time gossip with girls I think LOL! After that, nothing to gossip alrady.. Then we played Truth or Dare! Okay I spilled many things out, that bloody Paul there keep amchio. [Cause everything asked have something to do with him and he knows it] But in the end, I made cjy the scapegoat HAHA!

A fun fun day with my senior, dunno when can meet them again! :/ A day worth remembering! ;D